So what have I done?

I have to confess that this Christmas season, I am feeling more like a scrooge than jolly. I suppose it has a lot to do with the fact that it just has been a tough year for me overall. It has been tough in terms of a long term relationship ending and also dealing with my mom's cancer. Also, I have had various setbacks in terms of my research project (stuff like one of the freezers thawing out completly which happened to contain all my work). So, to keep myself from feeling down and sappy during the holiday season, I try not to listen the inundating Christmas songs around me. In the car, I try to listen to my CD's, public radio, or classical music. Anything but the radio stations tuned to Christmas songs. Somehow, the words of a particular Christmas song manages to keep creeping into my mind.

"So this is Christmas. And what have you done? Another year over And a new one just begun..."

No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to block it from my mind, sort of like a playing a song in repeat mode.

So, I tell myself, ok, what have I done? What are the good things?

Well, let's see, I am preparing a manuscript for my first publication, working on my first grant to the American Heart Association, presented at three poster sessions this year, submitted an abstract for a travel award to my first conference, and rescued two kittens (and put them up for adoption with a great rescue organization).

Great milestones for a doctoral student, but really, what have I done that is worthy as far as the words to that song?

I think I fall short.

So, I say this. Although the words still haunt me, I resolve not to try to make my body look like a runway model, but rather focus on making myself worthy of the words, what have I done?

Yes, I still plan on working out more, but my focus will be to feel worthy of those words this same time next year. And who knows, in return, I will hopefully have a better year as well.