Friday, October 12, 2007


The past couple months my emotions have been very labile. Sometimes depression has me in its strongest holds. It chains me, holds me down, and more often than not, I wake up to a tear stained pillow.

At times, I close myself off, become the recluse within my self-imposed walls.

I remember when I was a therapist, I was empathetic and listend to my gut when all else failed. I was very good at this. Sometimes too good. That is when countertransference kicked in. Countertransference is a bitch that bites in the ass when you least expect it. Or a bite that is harder than expected.

Now that I have gone into the realm of science, it was pointed out to me today that I have become over analytical. It is true. Now I no longer seem to be able to feel "what my gut tells me to do".

It frightens me.

Do I no longer have the insight to listen to what my "gut" tells me to do? Or is it simply that my dark emotions cover everything else?

I thought about taking some much deserved and overdue time off. I rationalize that I need to start to repair the wounds in my soul. Yet, I know myself. This would only enable the recluse in me.

I have no solution.

I am at a loss...


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Perhaps there are other ways to trigger a catharsis?

Saturday, October 13, 2007 4:26:00 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

Music will often be a catharsis for me. Which is why I will often listen to Mozart's Requiem for that reason. But this time, it seems that I am more at a loss than usual.

Monday, October 15, 2007 7:29:00 AM  

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