Emotions

The past couple months my emotions have been very labile. Sometimes depression has me in its strongest holds. It chains me, holds me down, and more often than not, I wake up to a tear stained pillow.

At times, I close myself off, become the recluse within my self-imposed walls.

I remember when I was a therapist, I was empathetic and listend to my gut when all else failed. I was very good at this. Sometimes too good. That is when countertransference kicked in. Countertransference is a bitch that bites in the ass when you least expect it. Or a bite that is harder than expected.

Now that I have gone into the realm of science, it was pointed out to me today that I have become over analytical. It is true. Now I no longer seem to be able to feel "what my gut tells me to do".

It frightens me.

Do I no longer have the insight to listen to what my "gut" tells me to do? Or is it simply that my dark emotions cover everything else?

I thought about taking some much deserved and overdue time off. I rationalize that I need to start to repair the wounds in my soul. Yet, I know myself. This would only enable the recluse in me.

I have no solution.

I am at a loss...