Tuesday, September 02, 2008

The Pain of a Dissertation

As I am trying to write my dissertation, I reflect on how difficult the whole process can be. It is a solitary and lonely activity. It is an exercise in pain. No joke—the bottle of ibuprophen is never far from my reach. Couple that with anxiety and depression and it makes me wonder how anyone ever manages to get a Ph.D.

Each morning I wake up thinking I want to quit. Find some job, any job, and make all this pain go away. Wishing that I would be free to enjoy life and not obsess about facts and figures. Free to dream and nurture the idealist that is still somewhere deep inside of me. I want to find that part of me that was alive and vibrant before I started this difficult path.

Yet somehow, I manage to muddle through the day and push forward. Somehow, I manage to push towards that seemingly intangible goal. Somehow.

Some years back I, I met a professor who told me that her husband wrote her dissertation (they met in graduate school and were in the same field). She was pregnant at the time she was trying to finish.

I realize that pregnancy is probably no picnic. But I can’t help but find myself wishing that it would be nice if someone wrote my dissertation for me. Can’t help but find myself thinking that I would take pregnancy and giving birth over having to write this damn thing.


Blogger AYDIN ÖRSTAN said...

Good luck! And relax! You'll do fine.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008 6:43:00 PM  
Blogger Miz Minka said...

Sending good thoughts your way... Hang in there, you'll get through it -- and you'll be so proud that you did it without help!

Wednesday, September 03, 2008 12:00:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sleep with the boss. That's time tested, and usually works in Psychololgy

Wednesday, September 03, 2008 7:39:00 AM  

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