Unyielding Orchid Guide

So, I get a phone call last night requesting another orchid expedition. I am feeling a bit hesitant as the last expedition seems to have had some problems. If I agree, it will be according to my rules:

1. We all meet/leave at 5 am. If I can drag my behind out of bed, strap 40-50 pounds of heavy photography equipment on my petite body and hike all day in high heat and humidity with all my injuries, then I don't want to hear any whining--especially about getting up so early.

2. We don't need a twin turbo Porsche or Audi for a drive out to the wetlands. Yes, I do love the lovely feel of a high end sports car--but I don't want to feel like I am on the Indy 500 when trying to nap. I also prefer not to feel like I am going to fly out the window every time the car takes a curve.

3. If I see a friendly cat, I will pet it. No need to freak out because it might have germs. As long as I wash my hands, who cares what I pet?

4. Going out to the swamps will get dirt in a car. It is unavoidable. You should see my car after the salamander migration or after I have fallen into a mud pool. If this is a problem, perhaps it is not wise to offer to drive and bring the high end luxury sports car.


If my rules are not followed, I will leave y'all in the particular swamp with the hungry leaches and vicious mosquitoes.

That is all.